7 Sensational Reasons to Travel Together

Wednesday, August 31st, 2016

Couples who travel together enjoy more “Red Hot Monogamy” according to U.S. Travel Association.

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And of those, 40 percent said their intimate lives are permanently better since traveling.10 sunset profile

Because we wrote 7 Simple Skills for Every Man and Every Woman, we thought we would gather 7 SIMPLE but sensational reasons why traveling together builds a relationship. When you go on T.R.A.V.E.L.S. together, you will enjoy…

Trying New Things: Become More Interesting: As you broaden your horizons by going to new places, meeting new people, and try new skills, you both become more interesting to each other and to your friends and family. In 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman: Success at Keeping It All Together , I share,

Relaxing Together: Often couples are in conflict simply because they are EXHAUSTED! Weh you can get away, get rest, get unhurried time together, often you can move from conflict to connection. That slower pace can also be easily transformed into some wonderful “red hot monogamy” and renewed intimacy.

Anticipating Fun– In your very busy, responsible life, looking forward to a trip, planning exciting experiences and dreaming together puts light at the end of the tunnel. A trip on your calendar brings HOPE for easier, happier, less stressful days.

Viewing the Extraordinary: Imagine the two of you in a hammock watching the sunset over the ocean, snorkeling with exotic and hawaii san diego cruise pr pixcolorful fish, dancing under the stars. Make a list of things you want to see LIVE and in person together, then put dollars to your dreams by putting the dream vacation on your calendar, and place money in savings or monthly payments to the tour company or cruise line.

Experiencing Caring Connections and Conversations: Getting away can give you time to regroup, renew or realign your lives. Longer stretches of uninterrupted time gives you the opportunity to solve issues or problems and you two can proactively plan together so you can avoid issues that might ensnare other couples.

Learning from Experts: Often, while enroute you can learn information to enrich, encourage, educate and inspire you, your marriage and your family. Some travel can include listening to podcasts or audio books, or you can travel WITH experts (cruises, vacation destinations, Christian Conference Centers, or educational tours- like to Israel)

Sharing Memories: You will traverse experiences together. Some of these memory making activities will be romantic, others might be adventurous, some might be a little problem you victoriously solve but most will be precious, priceless bonding moments together!

marriage cruise 2017 laffoon farrelTraveling anywhere in the world can meet many of these extraordinary expectations and exciting experiences  but we know from past experience, our Marriage Cruise happening THIS COMING January 7-`14, will include all of these 7 sensational yet simple, sweet memory-making opportunities. (This week will include time with us, but also great wisdom from The Smalley’s and the Laffoons, who bring their biblical insights in creative ways. Get more information on the cruise here. And please use this link to register as a “Friend of the Farrels” to get a special onboard gift. If you register for the conference and BOOK your cruise room with deposit by AUG 31, the cruise line is offering some SPECIALS and UPGRADES. Please email us at info@love-wise.com and let us know you are coming!)

We would also LOVE to bring a relaxing, renewing, rejuvenating, re-energizing retreat weekend getaway to your area! For details on how to bring us to your church, conference center or recreational area, email info@love-wise.com
We hope to have you join us on a vacation with purpose sometime this year!

Praying this promise from God from Psalms 32:8 over you:

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Red Hot Romance! 90 Days to a Sizzling Marriage

Monday, July 11th, 2016

 

Crosswalk asked us to create a 90 day, 13 week challenge to help move couples CLOSER.  Using some of the practical wisdom found in our books Red Hot Monogamy; Red Hot Romance Tips for Women52 Ways to Wow Your Husband; and Bill’s phone App: Her Best Friend, we have SIMPLIFIED and synthesized an easy to implement 10 week romance challenge. Below is the article we wrote for Crosswalk, then the sign up for a special ONCE A WEEK Romance Rev — a personal email from Bill and I that contains some extra helps plus two ideas for developing your marriage with a FOCUSED date and a FUN date for each week.

Your heart beats with anticipation when you round the block and head into your driveway. It skips a beat when you hear that special ringtone and see your mate’s face on your cell phone. Your smile widens as the one you love walks in the door. Your entire being longs to be with your spouse. Others want what you have—that spark and sizzle of a love that is on fire!

The couple in Song of Songs 8:7 felt this kind of love, saying, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away…”

Why do we long for intense, all-consuming love? It is because God designed us to give and receive love. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). With a little bit of focus, enthusiasm, and creativity, in a short time, it is possible to renovate and revive your marriage. Or if you feel your marriage is already on solid footing, a focused period dating your mate will enrich your love even more! Fanning the flame on passion is what the 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge is all about.

RH90dayHeader red hot

What Bill and I have observed in our 36 years of marriage ministry is when couples hit a difficult patch, or one or both are feeling disinterested, disengaged or distracted, a marriage can be reignited when one of two things happens.

pam bill dating bc1. They both commit to be “all in” for a focused period of time so new skills can be learned and feelings of love can be rekindled as new happy and satisfying memories are experienced.

2. One of you, a husband or a wife, decides he or she is willing to try to “outlove” their spouse with God’s power and provision. When one person loves like God loves, it raises the possibility for God transform your marriage.

If you want a Red Hot Romance and a sizzling, satisfying, sex life, commit to the 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge to give God the time and opportunity to give you back those honeymoon feelings. Just like a diamond in a wedding ring has many facets, a strong marriage has unity in 13 different areas of intimacy. Here is a preview of the journey of love you two will travel:

Week 1:  Archival – The number one reason couple’s who have filed for divorce decide to pull their papers and stick it out is they remember how much they have already invested in their marriage. Just like a bellow blows and an ember sparks into a flame, a couple that feels their love is growing cold will find their romance ablaze again when they take a trip down memory lane. In this week, you will pull out memorabilia like your wedding album and video; retell your love story to your children; or create a “flashback” date and return to the place you met, first said, “I love you,” first kissed, had your first date, proposed or honeymooned.

Week 2: Social – While doing research for “Her Best Friend” phone App, Bill discovered that the primary her best friend ap cold lakecharacteristic of successful, long lasting marriages is that the husband and wife have become best friends. In this week, you will brainstorm a list of new activities you two can try TOGETHER with the goal of finding something you BOTH love doing. Each of you brainstorm a bucket list: things to do, classes to take, places to go, hobbies to learn.  Now compare lists, looking for common denominators. This might be the year to take that Pacific Rim Island cooking class that reminds you of that honeymoon in Hawaii! Or this could be the summer to have a weekly picnic at the pops symphony, or motorcycle to all the best burger places in the county.

Week 3: Nutritional – While writing Red Hot Romance Tips for Women, I discovered that science supports some of the mythological food aphrodisiacs. Creating a meal together using many of these heart healthy items can produce passion as you whisk, bake and taste-test delectable ingredients.  For a quick example, check out to power of beloved chocolate. 70 percent cocoa, a sweet, erotic staple, contains phenylethylamine which is linked to the release of endorphins. Dark chocolate increases the feelings of attraction between two people and causes a more intense and a longer brain buzz than kissing does.

song of s 3 4 red hot pam bill smWeek 4: Physical – You will be more likely to enjoy Red Hot Monogamy if you are ALIVE and well! Couples that workout together have more sex than the average couple. This is NOT about looking perfect, rather about feeling healthy and strong. Together you will discuss, decide and complete a health and wellness plan. Exercise releases happy endorphins, but passion itself has an upside for your health too. For example, kissing for 15 minutes burns 30 calories.

Week 5: Recreational – The longer you are married, the more likely you are working harder and playing less. This is the week to find an activity you BOTH enjoy! For example, during our children’s teen years we were so busy supporting their sports we forgot what sports we loved to do as a couple.  The year our first son launched into college we tried a variety of activities from cross country skiing to mountain biking in search of “the perfect set of sports.” We settled on sports of the sea: paddle boarding, kayaking, sailing, jetskiing and beachside biking.

Week 6: Vocational – Couples are often in conflict over who does what and when. Once a year, Bill and I sit down to make goals and decide what the priorities are in our careers and at home. This is also a good time to discuss and delegate chores and household, yard, and car maintenance responsibilities. In Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, we have a “What’s Important to You” worksheet that helps a husband and a wife see which areas of your personal and family life matter most to each of you. The person who cares the most about a particular priority should pick up that area—no matter if it breaks gender stereotypes. If he’sWafflesCover new a better cook and she loves to be outside mowing the lawn, go with it! A fun date this week could be a “trading places” swap. Change the side of the bed you sleep in, who drives the car when you are together, who cooks or does dishes or even spend time in each other’s work places if that is possible. It is amazing the appreciation that builds when you walk in each other’s shoes.

Week 7: Parental – People often ask us how our family gets along so well and arguments seem very rare. One of the top contributing factors to family unity is to have a clear plan. In 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make, we share how to create a family compass including a Mission, Motto, and Moniker (or crest), and our yearly parenting plan to help our sons become “Learners and Leaders who Love God.” As tm sons 10bpparents, your marriage is strengthened as you realize your marriage is about much more than just your own personal happiness. God calls us all to pass the baton of faith to the next generation. If you are newlyweds, and having children is still in the future, this might be a great time to take a parenting class, read a parenting book and discuss your views on child rearing. If you are empty nesters, you might decide to have a date that includes your grown kids and their significant others or the grandkids. Or maybe your date could be a scouting trip to check out venues for the next family reunion.

Week 8: Emotional – This world is hard on people. Like us, one or both of you might come from families of origin filled with dysfunction and drama. A date that includes couple’s counseling, a marriage workshop or retreat might be just the thing to repair broken hearts or broken dreams. To find a quality counselor in your area, we recommend a visit to your local Christian bookstore, ask your own Pastor or Marriage Ministry Director or contact ministries like AACC or Focus on the Family.  A favorite marriage tune up, with some of the best interpersonal communication tools, is a United Marriage Encounter getaway weekend. (If your marriage is in a tough place, we have a list of other resources in Marriage On the Rocks? Try Again!)

Week 9: Financial – Money is the number one area couples typically argue about! This week you will tacklewow laugh this area and decide what one choice would most help you two move forward in unity. You might decide to watch some Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University or Crown Financial videos, or sign up for a class. It might be the week to actually create a budget, or clip coupons and go on a “two for one” date. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive. While writing 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, I posted a contest on social media and ask friends to give examples of “Dates on a Shoestring Budget.” The winner wrote: “We each get $5 ($10 if we’re lucky) we take turns going into a store while the other waits in the van… Usually Wal-Mart, Kwik Trip, ACE Hardware, or Good Will… Sometimes we have a drawing for which store.)  We each buy — without the others’ knowledge — whatever we want for “Date Night.”  Combining the two items into one date night is a hoot!  He might buy a Styrofoam cup of worms and a sixpack of Mountain Dew for a few hours of fishing — and I purchase a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.”

fire hat red hot 60Week 10: Spiritual – Couples that attend church weekly, pray together daily and are in small group Bible studies with those who believe in long lasting love tend to also have a long lasting marriage and rate their sex life as more satisfying than the average couple. Mutual spiritual growth creates a pathway to true intimacy. God created us body, soul and spirit so as we seek to interweave our spiritual lives it builds trust, and trust is the key that unlocks freedom to enjoy your intimate life. Dates to develop your shared walk with God could include watching a Christian marriage video (like our Red Hot Date Night), or pop some popcorn and watch a movie produced by a Christian movie company like bestselling War Room or Fireproof; or attend a Christian music concert of a favorite or new artist.

Week 11: Inspirational – Even in marriage, it is “more blessed to give than receive.” Some of the sweetest memories Bill and I have are times we have done ministry together. We started as newlyweds teaching 4-year-old Sunday School, and more recently, God has us traveling the world equipping couples and families in various cultures on love, marriage and parenting. This week’s date is your opportunity to try a new ministry like serving food at a homeless shelter, gathering donations for a women’s center, teaching a children’s or teen class, or hosting a barbeque that reaches out to neighbors and friends that might not know Christ yet.  People are looking at your marriage and wondering “What is the power that helps them stay in love?” We sign all our books with that answer, “We love because He [God] first loved us” (1 John 4:19)

Week 12: Sensual – When all five senses are used in creating a date, that memory sticks! Researchers at hawaii bill pamCambridge discovered if you are “super surprised” then you “super learn” and more details of that experience lodge deeper in your memory. This week you will each plan a mini date using all five senses. One of our most memorable dates was when I surprised Bill at a conference he was attending. I had a picnic basic that included some of his favorite luau foods from the islands, lotions we brought back from Hawaii, candles in coconut shells, Hawaiian print sarongs and ukulele music by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, and as we experienced all five senses, we spent the night, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”

Week 13: Sexual – Lack of time is the number one reason couples cite for not having frequent sexual relations. The goal of this 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge is to increase your frequency and satisfaction level of your intimate life. Most weeks, sexual expression will likely happen simply because you are paying greater attention to one another, but this week you will talk about your sex life. In the Old Testament, the word most used for sex is “to know” and that is really the goal, to know your mate head to toe, inside and out, body, soul and Spirit. Phil 2 encourages us to consider “others as more important than yourself” so this will be the night you keep your mate’s desires in mind.

two hands one heart beach sunset romanceIf you would like to join the Love-Wise 90 Day Red Hot Romance Challenge and receive email that gives more enrichment, encouragement, education and equipping in these 13 areas of intimacy. Take up the challenge and create a marriage that is red hot!

 

 

 

Pam and Bill Farrel international speakers, relationship experts and the authors of 45 books includingpam bill red umbrella rebecca Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, Red Hot Monogamy, 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, and Red Hot Romance Tips for Women. Bill is the creator of Her Best Friend Phone App which sends one romantic idea a day to a man’s phone to wow and woo his wife. The Farrels have been happily married 36 years and together they are Co Directors of Love-Wise

 

 

 

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Fit for FUN! Working Out to WIN at Love!

Saturday, February 13th, 2016

In my book to help wives fan the flame on love, Red Hot Romance Tips for Women:

I share that

Here’s a short excerpt to help you two get up and active . .  and reap the many rewards of wellness: body, soul, spirit and SEXINESS!

“Let’s get something very clear—your husband, at least at some point, and more likely even now,song of s 3 4 red hot pam bill sm would use at least one of the above words to describe you. He thinks you are beautiful. One of my favorite stories that captures just why your man might think you are amazing (even if you don’t feel that way about yourself) is a story that goes back to what is traditionally seen as the first love-story: Adam and Eve.

The scene is this: Adam was created, then God grabbed a rib from Adam when he slept and made Eve. The word “make” is banah and it gives the impression of God planning out her design. He carefully put the finishing touches on her so she was exactly matched her man. Make can also mean “to accomplish, appoint, or bring forth.” So God didn’t just dream about Eve’s design; He accomplished the dream. So if your guy has ever said, “You are the woman of my dreams” or “It’s like we were “made” for each other”—well your man is exactly right!

As we discuss beauty, can we set aside all the unrealistic glossy fashion magazine runway model expectations for just a moment?  That’s a relief- because

DSC03058Our discouragement might be related to the fact that the average model weighs 23% less than the average woman. The Yale Center calculated how much an average healthy woman’s body would have to change to have the proportions of a Barbie doll. She would need to grow two feet taller, extend her neck length by 3.2 inches, gain 5 inches in chest size, and lose 6 inches in waist circumference. Now that we have set the impossible aside, let’s look at a more accurate definition of beauty.

What is Beautiful?dance close

I think First Place 4 Health

Vice President, and author of Don’t Quit, Get Fit, Vickie Heath sums up a better view of beauty with a simple comment, “Strong is the new skinny” Yes, let’s  focus on wellness, fitness and health. The man you married wants you as a life partner so your job is to just live longer and stronger.

There are some interesting facts that link wellness to a red hot sex life.

 

While researching our book, Red Hot Monogamy, we discovered couples that work out together have more sex!

There are several reasons for this:

1) Endorphins are released when you exercise and you are happier, so over all this means you will like your man better!

2) Exercising together bonds you with a work hard-play hard attitude

3) When you exercise, you will feel better about your body, and that means you will want your husband to see it!

So what will help you look and feel well? In 10 Secrets for Living Smart, Savvy and Strong I share the details of my personal story, of how I lost 50 pounds and have kept it off and regained my health. But let me give you a quick list of what to go “get” in order to “get”  healthier:

  • Get a great physician and nutritionist (Consult a doctor before you begin)        10 secrets and ps 92
  • Get Moving (Exercise 5-6 times a week)
  • Get good nutrition (Eat a rainbow of fruits and veggies)
  • Get lean proteins on your plate
  • Get supplements (vitamins and minerals)
  • Get away from sugar and processed (fast) foods
  • Get adequate rest (at least 8 hours)
  • Get more water and less caffeine
  • Get a good trainer
  • Get some cheerleaders (healthy friends)  around you
  • Get a lifestyle tracker (food and exercise log or a techie gadget like a Fitbit, “Up “or “smart “watch that can tack food, sleep, exercise.)

 

Picture yourself fit, alive and in love—now that IS BEAUTIFUL! When I took steps to regain my health, I felt more confident, sexier and gained the energy to do even more fun activities with my husband. He was beaming ear to ear as we jogged along the beach in our new running shoes on our 33rd anniversary. It had been at least a decade since I had enjoyed (or even tried) running with Bill. He told me later how proud he was of me, and how sexy I looked in my workout gear (that he also enjoyed taking off me later).

pam bill beach kayak bike snowmobile

For the past decade, we have used our anniversary to try new activities and buy new fitness gear: We have snowshoed, jetskiied, cross country skied, biked, kayaked, and ball room danced. We have purchased bikes, skates, racquets, and workout gear.  For Bill’s birthday last year, I gave him a set of 12 red envelopes and inside each was a gift card for an active date. The gift got double the impact- he smiled when he got the present and when we used it!

 

Tips for Red Romance

bill pam snow shoeDanna Demtre, who is a grandmother now) and author of Scale Down- Live It Up!, has seen the impact of caring about wellness: “Even after 28 years of marriage – there is strong physical attraction. One thing we both do consistently to keep romance alive is to take really good care of our bodies – stay lean and fit. We accept each other’s flaws and the normal things that come with aging. But, we both appreciate a fit, lean body and that keeps things HOT for us! I think when men or women totally let themselves go as they become comfortable and even take their spouse for granted – it can impact intimacy greatly. I think we should give as much attention to pleasing our spouse physically in our later years as we did in our early years!”

Which of these activities would your husband like to try this month?

©      Take to the dance floor (line, swing or ballroom dance classes)

©      Take the water (kayak, jet ski, water ski, paddle board, surf, wind surf)

©      Take to the air (parasail, sky dive, glider)

©      Take to wheels (bike, motorcycle, skates)

©      Take to the ice and snow( ski, snowboard, ice skate, snowshoe, sled)

©      Take up a racquet (tennis, table tennis, badminton)

©      Take a swing (baseball, softball, golf)

©      Take a hike (walk, backpack, stroll a lake, park or the beach) splash rebecca pam bill

©      Take advantage of technology (a wii fit, wii dance party, etc)

©      Take up a hunt ( with a camera, rifle, or bow and arrow)

©      Take to the gym (cross fit, a kickbox , zumba, or martial arts class)

 

Try to think of a clever way to invite your guy on this active date. Show up in a new workout outfit (or bathing suit); Create a clever invitation (tie a hotel key to a golf club); Dress up as a hula girl and hold his new surf board or boogie board as he enters the house. “

Red hot wives correctAnd remember to join the Red Hot Wife Challenge– a 26 day journey looking at the traits, A to Z that make us a more loving wife!

 


[1]New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (1 Co 3:16). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

 


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Be a Hero! Parents On Guard!

Thursday, November 5th, 2015

 

question collage lifeguard verse 50We live in San Diego, so going to the beach is a common activity. As prudent parents, and now grandparents, we always select beaches with a lifeguard on duty. From their viewpoint in the tower, they have a vantage point that helps them spot dangerous rough waves, hidden under currents or predatory animals that could attack innocent swimmers. Those lifeguards are also on call to help rescue those who might get into troubled waters while at the beach. In short, they are heroes because they protect lives. To succeed they must do a few things well: remain vigilant while on guard, communicate warnings, and respond swiftly to needs.

In the Old Testament, God commanded  leaders to be “watchmen on the wall” with very similar duties: In Ezekiel 3:17 God rouses the prophet: “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the people of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me.”  In !0 Questions Kids Ask About Sex, we explain that YOU, as a caring parent,  are like the vigilant watchman.

While we were parents, youth leaders, then pastors working with families, we developed several proven tools that helped our children navigate safely through the ever changing rough waters of culture and the dangerous under currents of societal immorality. Our sons made it safely to shore. They were young men with relationship integrity who have become godly leaders married to godly young women. In addition, families who have used these tools have also seen a much higher rate of seeing their own children make wise relationship and life choices.  Here is a list of tools we are very grateful that God allowed us to develop, and since it is back to school time, think of it as easy as A, B, C:

A is for Ask: Kids will ask questions, so we parents should have answers. And sometimes, it is we parents who should ask questions of our kids, tweens, teens and college students need to develop answers for. In 10 Questions Kids Ask About Sex we prepare your to talk with your kids (pre-school through premarital) giving bullet points and wording to use to explain the “birds and bees” at each age and stage.

B is for Baton Pass: Our job is to work ourselves out of a job by preparing our kids for life- then passing the baton. Raising a

Raising a Modern-Day Princess Modern Day Princess (and Becoming a Modern Day Princess Journal) and for guys, Raising a Modern Day Knight  are rite of passage programs churches or parents can use to prepare a young person for adulthood, and mark the moment with a spiritual celebration.

C is for Contracts: Spell things out. In our book 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make, we explain how to  lay a strong foundation of character using our Learner and Leaders Who Love God contract of privileges and responsibilities, a fun family day accompanied with a gift and prayer each year before school begin. The gift is selected based on three things.

It is:

  • Practical, something I might have to buy anyway.
  • Personal. The child should be able to tell I thought about the gift.
  • Prophetic, meaning that it speaks the truth about the uniqueness, the calling or the strength we see God building into each child.

Then, we add in more tools and conversations, year after year.  Desire, hormones, love, sex—these topics are much too important to leave to innuendo, guess work or hint! We use a set of agreements to have those very important conversations:

Teen Relationship Contract is an interactive tool with verses on God’s views on managing relationships and sexuality in a wholesome way.

Driving Contract is a series of questions to gain agreement of all the details that come with the privilege of driving.

Media contract helps those as young as 8 thru college make wise choices on use of all types of media.

Education contract helps parents of teens and college students gain unity on the best plan for a young person’s future.

Freshman Foundation is a series of 5 Dinner and dialogue questions covering vital areas a college student needs to take responsibility for to succeed.

Yes, God is calling you to be the Lifeguard, the “watchman” over your children’s lives, but what is really needed is a host of parents willing to train their own kids to become watchmen—lifeguards—HEROS to their own generation, as well.

brock 11 football pix series 10 best parent

Above  is a photo series of our oldest son, as he grew into a Learn and Leader who Loves God– and now he is leading his own family– tickle brock hannah grandkids rebeccawith their own unique way of doing learner and leader days too.

Our goal– and YOURS– is to complete the baton handoff, generation after generation:

Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it! (Psalm 22:30–31).

Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, authors of 40 books on marriage and family including 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make and 10 Questions Kids Ask About Sex. Find out more about their many parenting resources and the Talking to Your Kids About the Birds and Bees seminar at http://www.Love-wise.com

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No to Grey! God’s Love is Red Hot

Friday, February 6th, 2015

Never Settle for Grey When God’s Love is Red Hot!

With all the stir over the upcoming release of the Shades of Grey movie , and the cultural impact of more than 100 million copies sold, I thought I would share why I WILL NEVER SETTLE FOR MR. GREY. I will NOT read the books NOR  will I watch the movie—or any erotica or mommy porn like it. Simply put, I don’t like counterfeit love when God’s plan for love is REAL and it produces LASTING RED HOT RESULTS! (more…)

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Summer Sizzle: Fan the Flame on Your Marriage

Monday, July 14th, 2014

 

red hot tips bill pam

Do you want something MORE for your MARRIAGE?

Do you long for a sex life that sizzles with your husband?

Do you long to see “that look” in your man’s eyes?

Do you want a strong stable marriage that creates a healthy positive environment for your children?

Recently, I ran a Red Hot Wife Challenge, based on our new book Red Hot Romance Tips for Women . This challenge gathers women (on a private facebook group)  to gain encouragement, equipping and inspiration as we  look at the 26 traits, A to Z that will help us become a more loving wife.

Learn more about the Red Hot Wife Challengered hot header

Buy Red Hot Romance Tips for Women now – softcover

Buy Red Hot Romance Tips for Women –digital form

Red Hot Romance Tips for Women  has also been used by women’s church groups (along with Pam’s book, 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband) to help women encourage and stand by other wives as they all seek to become better wives with more loving, solid marriages. Here are a few thank you’s some grateful wives sent after the last Red Hot Wife Challenge:)

  • red hot romance tips on bed“Being part of the Red Hot Wives challenge has helped me grow in Grace toward my husband. It’s helped me to stop and realize my words and actions toward him instead of focusing on his actions toward me. It’s also helped me grow in putting attention toward my marriage. I loved the daily tips and challenges that got me thinking about ways to love my husband”
  • “Being a part of this group helped me to realize a bunch of little things that I could be doing better as a wife to make sure that my marriage stayed alive! It’s a great book with some really helpful pointers that are actually doable!”
  • “The red hot tips have been very helpful and a great reminder to some very happy husbands of what it all started with years ago and how it can live and outlive us all….It is never too late to get serious about your marriage health and make 26 days of blessing and appreciating your husband,…. Thank you for taking on the challenge of writing and speaking . . . Heaven bless you for caring and taking your queues from the WORD and the Holy Spirit” – wife married 44 years

Our belief is that sex is a gift from God to protect and enjoy in marriage. Yes, sex was God’s shhh secretsecret a long time before it was “Victoria’s Secret!”

I believe God knew millions of women were vulnerable to getting sucked into Satan’s distortions, falsehoods,  and lies so God challenged me to write and offer a healthier alternative with a simple, Bibically-based, and candid book packed with ideas that can help a wife lavish her husband with love to add some spark, sizzle and success to their marriage.

My prayer has been, “Lord, don’t let women settle for shades of grey (or anything other color) when your plan for intimacy brings red hot lasting love.”

Go to our Red Hot Romance Tips for Women book page and see what you might be able to share with those in your circle of influence. You will find additional helps to share like:

  • A video from Pam explaining the heart and purpose of Red Hot Romance Tips for Wives
  •  A bonus extended version of the “Yummy” chapter (Is there such a thing as sexy foods?)
  • A “Seal it with a K.I.S.S.” worksheet: How to set romantic goals for your marriage A-Z Bookmark red Hot
  • Sample articles  like: “Success through Sistering” – about how a marriage can be strengthened when friends all commit to helping and supporting each other for the purpose of building a long lasting marriage.
  • What’s Does God Say is Okay in Sexual Expression? article
  • Pinterest bookmark with the 26 traits of a desirable wife, as a simple reminder that a woman can post on her mirror, in her Bible, or use as a book mark on her 26 day, or 26 week journey to become a more loving wife.
  • How to Be from A to Z: We gathered the common frustrations and complaints of husbands over the years and match with a Biblical quality of love a wife could learn that could help lower the fulfillment level in a love life.

foothills happy ever after valentine pix humor frame 40As YOU know, everyday can become a little more like a Valentine’s Day if a wife wants to extend love, affection, admiration, and support to her spouse. (Don’t worry, we are not letting the guys off the hook, Bill is busy working on helping the husbands!) Can you help us get the word out about Red Hot Romance Tips for Wives?

(The idea is to help the summer sizzle stay and have a long term positive benefit to a marriage). There will be more ideas, tips, scripture photos, and some giveaways.  Please “Like” the Bill and Pam Farrel facebook page, then share and repost the things I share during the challenge that point women to the Red Hot Wife Challenge.

red hot softer 50

The Bible asks, An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. (Proverbs 31:10) The answer is fund in this little book!  You can join an army of Red Hot Wives around the world  willing to love their husband, and build a strong marriage, and create a healthy loving home for their kids!

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Sex Before Marriage: The Landmine of Love

Friday, August 24th, 2012

According to a study on sexual activity by Relevant, a Christian magazine,

as many as 80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults have had sex. 

This is a startling statistic in light of two  very clear commands from the Bible:

                Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will
love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.
(John 14:23 NIV)

                It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 

(1Thessalonians 4:3 NIV)

If one wonders what sexual immorality is, if you use Logos Bible Software, and dig into The Word, you will discover it means ALL sex outside the bounds– the context of marriage.  

So many of this generation (teens and grownups ) think they will come out ahead if they sleep with the one they are “in love” with. However studies show something entirely different. Jim Burns of Homeword radio, in his book, Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, quotes a study out of the University of Wisconsin (so a secular study, so people can’t say it is slanted due to Christian bias!). 

Here are 9 Facts about Pre-Marital Sex:

Fact 1: Premarital sex tends to break up couples

Fact 2: Many men do not want to marry a woman who has had intercourse with someone else.

Fact 3: Those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages

Fact 4: Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have their marriage end in divorce.

Fact 5: Persons and Couples who have had premarital sex are more likely to have an
extramarital affair as well.

Fact 6: Having pre-marital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for
you.

Fact 7: Persons and couples who have had premarital sex experience sexual satisfaction
sooner after they are married. HOWEVER—

Fact 8: They are likely to be less satisfied overall with their sex life during marriage.

Fact 9: Poor premarital sexual habits can be carried over to spoil sex in marriage.

And let Bill and I add a Biblical observation we have made as Fact 10:

Fact 10:Couples who engage in premarital sex are practicing DISOBEYING God together, which is a terrible way to erode a marital foundation before you ever get to the altar. In addition, the consistent practice of premarital sex causes a callous to develop over the heart of each individual so it makes it harder for each to hear and respond to God’s guidance.

So what can we do to reverse this trend?

Parents:  Prepare your child, tween and teen by proactively educating him or her on love, sex, and relationships. Use our Teen Relationship Contract .Talk with your teen and reward your son or daughter for making wise choices.

Church leaders: Teach the whole counsel of God, offer discipleship, mentoring, and small groups with role models who are walking in integrity. Partner with parents for events and opportunities to equip tweens
teens and college students.

Teens: Read books like Guys are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti or The Purity Code (Jim Burns) – books aimed at teens to equip you to make your own wise choices. Have a daily quiet time so you practice listening to and responding to Jesus daily.

Reliable ministries that have helps and resources for this core vital issue: Homeword,  Focus on the
Family
, Family Life Today, Vicki Courtney -You and Your Girl, Generations of Virtue, Modern Day Princess, Dannah Gresh- Pure Freedom,  
 and
of course, Love-Wise.com.

Some of our resources that help parents and teens make wise relationship choices  are Guys are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti, Got Teens?, 10 Best Decisions a Teen Can Make, The Teen Relationship Contract, The Freshman Foundation Dinner and Dialogue Questions.

For singles: 10 Best Decisions a Single Can Make and Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are
Like Spaghetti.
 

 

 

The first step is likely a simple prayer.  Based on your past choices, you select the verse to pray over your life:

  1. You have had premarital sex and you desire to repent (stop), or you are already
    married but never have told God you are sorry and claimed his forgiveness:

Lord, your word says that is I confess my sins, you are faithful and just to forgive all my sins and cleanse me from
all unrighteousness
. (1
John 1:9)  Now I choose to hide your word in my heart that I might not sin against
You. (
Ps 119:9-10)

2. You are still a virgin, and you want to stay true to that commitment, or you are praying for your son or daughter, that they will stay strong:

I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise.  I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.  I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands (Psalms 119:58-60)

 The best way out of the field of landmines caused by premarital sex is:

(1)  To never enter it or ( 2) ask God to lead you step by step out of it back to a safe more secure place.

Forgiveness and redemption are possible, see Pam and Bill’s book, Love, Honor and Forgive or 10 Best Decisions
a Woman Can Make
. Consult  a trusted pastor or counselor- God can repattern your heart to hear and respond to His best plan and path.  Take the first step, acknowledge you have gone of course and want to get back to the heart of God and allow Him to direct your path to healing and wholeness.

PS: Hold Oct. 17 noon to for Save Our Girls Day to Pray – join us in praying for the next generation of teens: www.saveourgirls.org

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Wow Him!

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

 

With Christmas coming, just a reminder of want your husband might want under the tree is you!

In RedHot Monogamy, I give over 200 red hot ideas, and in my new book 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband,
I walk you thru one idea a week to make this his best year ever!

There are many euphemisms for sex and romance that are related to red, hot, or fire. Think about it, “Come on baby light my fire”, or “Hunka hunka burnin’ love,”  and Kathi Lipp, author of The Husband Project, is known for her t-shirt, “Married to a Hottie!”

Bill and I say in our book Red Hot Monogamy (sex) was  God’s secret long before it was Victoria’s secret! Sizzling sex doesn’t have to be saved for that once in a life time Hawaiian getaway—it can be HOT at HOME! Consider this acrostic for H.O.T and fan the flame to set the heart of your man aflame!

H is for Hear my Heart

Romance is personal. Maybe your love has wanted to experience something unique like:

  • Retro romance: Dress like you did on your first date! (Yes, consignment shops have clothes from the 70’- 90’s!)
  • Recreate Steam: Park in your own back yard like “Lover’s Lane” and steam up the car windows a bit.
  • Rescue Dinner:  Eat someplace different in your home: in front of the fire place, on the rooftop, on the patio or balcony out back, in the attic, under the tree in the back yard, etc.
  • Rendezvous: Create a luau in the living room: borrow some plants, get some island music, throw down some beach towels, bring in luau food, wear your sarong or bathing suit.

O is for Offer to Lower His Stress

Men, when surveyed for our book, Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti noted that what is romantic to them is a woman who will make their life easier.

  • Kidnap” your spouse and blind fold them and take him home for  a romantic rendezvous. (Send the kids to your best friends!)
  • Bring in breakfast in bed with an invitation to spend the whole day in bed.
  • Exercise together, ride a tandem bike, or dance in the living room.
  • Run a bubble bath by candlelight followed by a spa quality massage.

T is for Take Your Time to Romance Me

  • Relax: Sit in front of the fire place in each other’s arms and take turns reading poems to each other or flip through photo albums—or “get distracted” into some sizzling sex in a room you usually use for other purposes.
  • Recount: Creatively remind your man why you love him:
  • Use everyday items to send a unique set of messages: the title of a candy bar with a note that says, “You are a “Big Hunk” of Burning Love , or I’ “Red Hot: for your love.  Or use what is in your home: “I love to STAIR at you!” (note on stairs),  “You’ve opened the DOOR to my heart.” (note on door).
    • Write your own “feature” article about your spouse, the  “World’s Greatest Lover”. Include all his best traits as a lover, add in a picture of this famous lover and frame it!
    • Write on his bare back clues of  “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways” and see if he can guess why you have a “burning” desire him.
  • More ideas for recessin romance at http://love-wise.com/articles.php
  • Free chapter from 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband: http://harvesthousepublishers.com/book/52-ways-to-wow-your-husband-2011/
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